Don’t Give Up

A very wise woman said those words to me the other night. She said it’s the one thing that she has always told her two granddaughters.

Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.

It’s easy to lay down and die, so to speak. Easy to be so tired that you just throw up your hands and say, that’s it – I can’t do this anymore.

It’s far more difficult to keep going when you feel like you can’t. Much harder to say, you know what – I may be judged and disliked and threatened and hurt and stunned by the hypocrisy and evil in this world, but I’m not shutting up. I’m not stopping. I will continue to speak the truth.

Another person gave me this advice this week: You are not a hypocrite if you change your mind.

I cannot tolerate hypocrites. I don’t want to be one. I don’t believe I am. And yet, I’m hesitating to do something, go back on something I said, because I will be perceived as one by some people. I really just had a change of heart. But they won’t see it that way.

I have never been one to give a damn what others think of me. When I was a teenager, peer pressure never affected me. I thought what I wanted, wore the clothes that I wanted, did what I wanted. And it didn’t bother me if people looked at me like I was crazy for not going along with the crowd.

Sometimes, of course, it DOES matter what people think of me. The people I love, the ones that mean the most to me. I don’t want to make them think any less of me. Or, worse yet, maybe stop loving me or caring about me.

And yet, those people are exactly the ones, because they love me and care about me so much, who wouldn’t think any less of me just because we disagree or because I changed my mind about something.

I’ve never really been one to hold my tongue either, especially when I am extremely passionate about something. “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” – isn’t that something all our mothers always told us? I am aware and do have the discretion to know when something should be said and when I should probably keep quiet.

Most of the time…

But I’m not the kind of person who doesn’t adhere to her convictions when it really comes down to it. “Better be careful what you say” is not going to work with me. On the contrary – it’s going to make me want to shoot my mouth off even more. If you don’t like what I’m saying, too freaking bad.

If I’ve held my tongue, it’s because I know it’s not worth it. And because it’s fighting a losing battle. And I am battle weary.

So I say, I’m done – I’m not doing this anymore. I can’t do this anymore. But that doesn’t mean you’ve won. Or that you’ve succeeded in shutting me up. But am I, in effect, censoring myself when I respond that way?

I’ve been feeling over the last couple of days like maybe I am. So, if I turn around and go back to what I said I was going to stop doing – does that make me a hypocrite? Or did I just change my mind because I realize I have a right to have a voice?

We all have a right to have a voice. That’s what makes this America. What becomes hypocritical is when certain people tell other certain people that they are not allowed to have a voice, but the very ones saying that claim that theirs are the only ones that matter.

Do people in power or of influence have a responsibility to be careful and watch how they say things because some people who follow them or admire them will take it too much to heart? Maybe take it the wrong way and twist it? Yes – we all mess up with our words from time to time. Some more than others. But we all also each have a responsibility to not take what we hear and decide that gives us the right to harm others.

We are all responsible for our own actions. We have been given freedom of choice, discretion, and the ability to decide that just because something was said and perhaps misinterpreted by us, that doesn’t give us the right to harm others or destroy things.

Are there people out there who really don’t have that discretion or critical thinking and can’t stop themselves from doing wrong? Yes. Does that make it even more of a responsibility by others to be “careful what they say”? Yeah, probably. But I believe we have become a country of victims. Let’s all blame somebody else for actions we chose to take or that were taken by others. It cracks me up when I hear someone say “I take full responsibility.” Well, of course you do! You’re the one who did it!!

So I’ve decided to remove myself from a certain situation really because I can’t deal with the hypocrisy anymore. And because I don’t like some of the things I am seeing and reading. This has all been the result of many recent events. If things had gone in the direction that I would have preferred, would I have made a different decision?

Absolutely. I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t have.

Would I have removed myself so readily and dramatically? Was I just trying to “make a scene or get attention”? If things had turned out differently, I wouldn’t have done it at all. I’m not gonna lie.

But I did what I did and said what I said because I felt like – what’s the point? Things I’m seeing are just making me sick and angry, and I don’t want to deal with what people are going to say when they don’t agree with me because I decided to make my voice heard.

I censored myself. And none of us need to be doing that to ourselves right now. It’s being done for us.

But – not to ALL of us. And that’s what the problem is. And if you don’t see that as a problem, then you are part of the problem. Every freedom-loving American should be incredibly concerned by what is taking place right now.

And no – I ain’t paranoid. And I ain’t stupid either.

So – all of that now being said – if you see me back out there, hopefully you’ll realize that I just changed my mind and you won’t consider me a hypocrite. But honestly – I really don’t care. I am not in control of what anyone else thinks. But I am still in control of my own thoughts and my own voice. “Give me liberty or give me death” – I will fight to my grave for the right to have my voice and speak the truth.