There must be some misunderstanding, there must be some kind of mistake…

I don’t understand.

I prayed so hard.

We watched an episode of Young Sheldon last night in which his twin sister Missy was using prayer as a way to get things from God. Her mother had given her the cross she wore as a little girl, and Missy started praying. Mostly she was praying for God to help her hit the ball when she was up at bat for her baseball team. When she finally hit the ball, after intense prayers of “please let me hit the ball” – while wearing her mother’s cross – she started calling it her “lucky cross”.

Her mother was outraged and very disappointed. That’s not how God works, she said. He doesn’t perform magic tricks.

Is that what I’ve been thinking and feeling?

I don’t understand why, after fervently praying to God for Trump to stay in the White House for the next 4 years that it didn’t happen. It’s what’s best for the country. Things are going to get very bad if it doesn’t happen.

Why would God let this happen?

Have I been using prayer to try and get what I want?

I honestly don’t think so. I’ve been praying for the truth to prevail and justice to be done. The truth was out there, plain as day. It was presented to anyone who would listen. People committed fraud and there was blatant wrongdoing. It was all out there for everyone to see.

And yet – it still didn’t happen. Why?

I woke up in the middle of the night and had a really hard time falling back asleep. Eventually I did, but while I was awake, this is what I was saying, out loud, to God.

I should not set store on any one man. But with Trump still in the White House, I felt and believed that things were going to be okay. We were going to get through this pandemic. We were going to survive. There was hope, as long as there was someone defending us and fighting for us.

With the way it turned out, I have lost all hope. It’s gone. I don’t have it anymore. I can feel it in my bones.

My hope is supposed to be in Jesus Christ. I remember when Obama was elected, and there was this poster made of him. A caricature of sorts, and it had the word “hope” at the bottom. I remember laughing when I saw it, thinking “I don’t get my hope from a mere mortal, from any one man.”

I get my hope from the Lord.

So – why is now any different?

Well, it’s really not. I guess I was putting my hope in a man. But I felt like I was putting it there because he was fighting for us, as an elected official should. I don’t believe for one second that the individual who has been illegitimately declared president will ever do that for us. He’s been in office for almost HALF A CENTURY. In all that time, he has never once advocated for the people. He claims he has. But that’s a lie.

So, to put my hope in an elected official who for the past 4 years has been constantly working for the people – I guess that’s not such an unusual thing.

What is wrong of me is to think that God let me down. That He purposely didn’t answer my prayers. I know in my heart that’s not true.

It’s just…so…hard…

God’s answers to prayers are yes, no, and not yet. He always has a plan. Always.

What that plan is, for this country, I don’t know. Nobody does. We’re just supposed to trust and believe.

Would God put an entire country through a difficult time merely because of the actions of a few? He might. This country for many, many years now has turned away from God. We’ve pushed Him out of our daily lives in SO many ways. He’s not a vengeful God. But He does not force himself upon us. He wants us to ask Him in.

Would God allow innocent people to suffer because of the actions of a few? It happens all the time, unfortunately. But it’s not Him doing it on purpose to punish everyone. He wants us to turn from our sinful ways. He wants us to willingly come to Him. And ask His forgiveness.

I’m still struggling with my feelings about what has happened. I will continue to simply take one day at a time and live my life to the best of my ability. And pray for myself and my family to continue to be healthy and happy, so that we can do what we need to do. Fight the good fight. Trust God. And continue to rely on Him.